Broken
by RavenoftheStars
Summary: Insanity comes from brokenness, whether of the heart or the mind. From a young age, her life had been dictated. Her one attempt to follow her heart ended in tears. Written for the alphabet soup challenge from the beaded bag, for Ilvermorny.


**a/n: Here's the second oneshot. I've never thought of Bellatrix this way before, but it seemed to fit. Hope you enjoy!**

Bellatrix Lestrange was a woman of few regrets. She was ruthless and insane, and many said she was heartless. But some believe heartlessness is born of heartache, and that is correct, at least in her case.

As a young girl Bellatrix went to Hogwarts, as many young witches and wizards do. There she was sorted into Slytherin and learned magic. As she grew older, each year she heard more whispers about a Dark Lord. But as she grew older, each year a quiet Ravenclaw weighed more on her mind.

In her first year, he had been merely a classmate, only noticed because he lacked the eagerness to answer questions most of his house had. In her second year, she realized he was a muggleborn, and he became the quiet mudblood. Even though he was a Ravenclaw, he seemed too stupid to answer questions, just like those brash Gryffindors. In her third year, she saw him around Hogsmeade alone. She almost felt bad for him, before remembering he was just a stupid mudblood. In her fourth year, she received a bouquet on Valentine's Day. The roses were as rich a red as some of her parent's wines. The card said the color was bordeaux, and said she was pretty. She didn't believe it, and although she asked around, she never found out who gave it to her.

In her fifth year, Bellatrix had fallen in love with her mysterious admirer. She wasn't sure who he was, but she thought he might have been the quiet Ravenclaw boy. She received another bouquet on Valentine's Day, with another card, this time proclaiming her beauty. She blushed and looked around, catching the eye of a boy wearing blue and bronze. She flipped over the card, and found an invitation to meet him in an abandoned corridor after dark. She smiled the whole day, her world a blur of happiness.

She snuck into the corridor earlier than the planned meeting. She hid in an alcove when she heard footsteps coming, worried she would be caught out of bounds by a prefect or teacher. Instead, she found herself watching the approach of her secret admirer, the quiet Ravenclaw boy. She snuck up behind him and tapped his shoulder.

"Beautiful? Me? I think you must be blind." He turned around, a smile lighting up his face when he realized she had come.

"And I think you can stop your pretence of self-deprecation now." He reached out and grabbed her hand, laying a kiss across her knuckles as she blushed. "Would the dear lady consent to travel with me to Hogsmeade?"

Bellatrix barely had to think for a second before answering. "I will, but word must not travel back to my family. I fear they may seek retribution against you."

"That won't be a problem," he replied, smiling. Matching grins crossed their faces as she nodded her consent. "So it's a date?"

"It's a date." Bellatrix spent the next few days in a flurry, preparing for her first date with the boy she did not yet realize she had fallen in love with. The date went brilliantly, and they managed to avoid the eyes of any who may report back to her family. She spent the next Hogsmeade weekend with him, and the next. He met her each time with a bouquet of bordeaux roses and the smile she had come to love. In later dates, his smile was met with a peck on the lips. Soon, however, the end of the school year came to pass, and both went home to their respective families.

In her sixth year, Bellatrix was happy. She began the year with a boyfriend who was as dear to her as life itself. They each had ambitions, but both of them saw a future together. They spent the year in a whirl of secret meetings and stolen kisses. They didn't dare risk Hogsmeade trips, as her sisters had begun to guess she was up to something. On the last day of school, she found herself being dragged away by a furious Narcissa who had finally figured out what she had done. Andromeda was strangely silent on the subject, as she had been ever since being partnered with a strange Hufflepuff muggleborn for a project.

Narcissa ranted for hours, reminding her of her duty as a Black: to marry for blood, not love. The sisters fought, but Bellatrix eventually agreed to break the news to her parents. She thought they would understand, as they seemed to be okay with cousin Sirius' sorting, but she was surprised with how accepting they were. They asked her to invite him to dinner, so they could ascertain if he was good for her. Bellatrix accepted, and owled him straight away.

The night arrived when they would be dining with her boyfriend, and Bellatrix found herself to be nervous. Her parents had been acting strangely all day, but she hoped the dinner would go well. The time came for his arrival, and he arrived exactly on time, causing her to sigh with relief. He was dressed in black dress robes that made him look rather dashing. She realized right then that she loved him. He acted the perfect gentleman all throughout dinner, and Bellatrix had to fight not to look at her parents to see what they thought. After they ate, Bellatrix found herself pulled away, and she realized it must be time for her father to have his talk with her boyfriend, and so she acquiesced.

After some time passed, she heard yelling, and traveled down to her father's study. When she walked in, she saw her father standing with a wand in his hand and her boyfriend bleeding out on the carpet. She screamed, and ran to him, forgetting all pretences of decorum. She knelt carefully beside him, her dress and hands becoming streaked with blood. She held him in her arms, knowing he would only make it a few minutes more. She whispered quietly to him, her voice soft and her words kind.

"I'm so sorry, my eagle. I've failed you. You deserve to live a long and happy life," she sobbed, her words coming out in choked breaths. "I'm sorry for bringing you into this. You deserve so much better."

"Bella… you are beautiful, remember that. Even your name says it. I don't regret a moment of our time." His eyes were closed, and his breathing shallow. He took her hand in his, and slowly brushed his lips across her knuckles, like he had done the first time they met. "I'll wait for you on the other side."

Her sobs wracked her body, and her tears fell on him as he took his last breaths. "I love you, my eagle. I'll meet you there, no matter how long it takes." He smiled, and, as if falling asleep, his muscles settled down and suddenly, she knew he was gone.

She screamed, a heart wrenching sound that brought her mother and sisters to the door. They took one look at her, stained with blood the color of the roses she so loved, and stepped forward, only to be stopped by her father. They turned away, leaving her alone with him. She stood and ranted at him, screaming herself hoarse as tears streamed down her cheeks. She quickly ran out of words, and stood there with her wand out, trying to think of a spell that would be good enough for this murderer she trusted for her entire life.

He merely stood there, and, with a gesture of his wand disarmed her. He spent the next couple hours re-educating her on the dangers of mudbloods and the terror they create in the Wizarding World. His education was accompanied by magical reminders of what would happen if she did something so foolish again. The rest of the summer was spent in much the same way.

In her seventh year, Bellatrix didn't smile. There was no shy Ravenclaw boy. She didn't talk outside of class, and she didn't go to Hogsmeade. On Valentine's Day, she didn't receive a bouquet of bordeaux roses or a note from a secret admirer. She didn't spend the last day of school saying goodbye to a shy Ravenclaw.

In her seventh year, Bellatrix got the Dark Mark. She followed the Dark Lord, and she was the perfect model of a pureblood woman. She spat tirades of blood purity and cackled at the pain of others. Her eyes were blank, and her emotions didn't show.

At the end of her seventh year, she didn't follow her dreams. At the end of her seventh year, Bellatrix became engaged to Rodolphus Lestrange, and married him a few months later. She had no children, and, stuck in a loveless marriage, she found herself slipping away. She smiled only once: when Andromeda found the strength to elope, and live the life she herself was never meant to live. The Dark Lord attacked the Potters, and disappeared. After she failed to discover his whereabouts from the Longbottoms, she was sent to the dementors.

In Azkaban, she was forced to relive the loss of her love every day for fourteen years. She felt no pain, but saw the bordeaux blood covering her hands. She could not scrub it off. The days, months, and years all blended together. The only thing she was sure of was that at some point, Sirius had escaped. She felt a long-forgotten part of her smile, he wasn't supposed to be there anyway.

She was freed by the man who kept her in chains, so she fawned over him. The time rushed by, and she found herself fighting with her cousin. She would die if she lost, so she fought to win. He fell through the veil. The long-forgotten part of her cried out. She felt something inside her fracture.

Dumbledore was dead, and Voldemort had taken over Hogwarts. Harry Potter didn't show up, and none of those who did shared his whereabouts. She found herself torturing him, and his friends. The elf helped them to get away, and she knew her throw had been true. One of them would be dead on arrival. Soon afterwards, her vault was broken into. The only thing stolen was the cup. She knew Potter was up to something. In a chain of events too complicated to understand, she found herself fighting the Weasley matriarch, with her niece dead in the castle.

Bellatrix Lestrange was a woman of few regrets, and she could count them on her fingers. She regretted being born a Black, and the role she was forced into. She regretted the death of her one true love. She regretted not killing her father after his murderous act. She regretted not seeing her niece and nephew grow up. She regretted Sirius' death. And she regretted not being as smart as Andromeda had been. What she didn't regret, was what was about to happen. The last parts of her manufactured personality broke away, and she laughed, feeling truly free for the first time in years. With a smile on her face, she finally left the world of the living to join her eagle in the one place they could be together forever.


End file.
